A Changing Dream

What happens when a dream you’ve had is on the cusp of coming true and then you doubt that very dream? That’s what is happening to me. I have always had a dream of traveling the world, just taking off and going. Since being a mother I have devoured blogs dealing with open ended travel and world schooling. Sites that speak of the benefits of long term travel to kids. How they keep up on their school work with far less time committed than if they had to sit in a classroom all day. I’ve read stories of kids who study for two hours in the morning and then they’re off to explore Paris. I wanted that for my family. For my son who must have difficulty sitting in a classroom as he comes home and becomes a human ping pong ball, pacing, running back and forth through the house for twenty, thirty minutes at a time. And for my son who has such difficulty concentrating that he must miss half of what goes on in the classroom, at least.

My son and I did not start on day one of his life together. We missed quite a bit of time. We still have catching up to do and I want to give us the gift of time. Yes quality is important, but so is quantity. My son spends quite a bit of energy during his school day wondering if I am picking him up after school. I can’t help but wonder how that affects his ability to concentrate and learn.

I have my plane tickets, four months of Airbnb lodging and we leave in a month. Yet I doubt everything. I am scared of getting lost and putting us in danger, of not liking where we’re going, of missing the community I am just starting to build, of it being too scary for my son, for me. I’m worried I might want to come home but so much is prepaid and I have renters in my home. Pre-trip jitters? Perhaps. I’m going to ride the wave of fear and doubt and see where I land.

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